Deguiltification – Experiential Essay By Chris Ifso

Beata and Matís run luhmen d’arc, a company founded in Berlin which creates “spaces dedicated to the manifold aspects of intimacy and desire.” In September 2019 the duo were participants in Schmiede, a 10-day maker festival based at the Old Salt Works, Hallein in Austria, involving over 100 artists, musicians, digital creators and writers – including me. Beata is also an academic; her PhD topic is The Art of Sex Education: Contemporary Aesthetics As Idiosyncratic Interventions in Hegemonic Sexual Discourses. As research for this, luhmen d’arc was there to interview a range of participants about attitudes to sexuality. Interviewees were also offered an introductory bodywork session. A mattress sits in one corner of this large barn-like wooden studio, behind a flimsy curtain hung on a rope between pillars. I take off my shoes, lie face down and close my eyes. Beata and Matís proceed to give me a massage which is by turns tender, arousing, rough, funny and relaxing. I am fully-clothed and they are mild, but crucially there is no rule against getting turned on. To prove this, around the space are scattered vibrators, rope and masks for those who request to experiment further. I purr, laugh, wriggle and groan as I’m cradled, gently pummelled and stroked. I open my eyes, they switch on the tape recorder and ask me what the session brought up for me. There I am, a man aged 63, relaxed and glowing, lolling next to a young man and woman I like and trust, with whom there is no reason whatever to feel inhibited. I am amongst friendly strangers…